By Akanksha Sharma
Every person in this world is in search of that Philosopher’s stone, that mysterious elixir called everlasting joy. Or so goes the mainstream wisdom and narrative around us, be it in the form of literature or multimedia. However, what most people want, in a world that is increasingly deprived of resources and loving relationships, is to survive. Even at a biological level, if you look at the selfish gene theory by Richard Dawkins, our genes want us to propagate and to reproduce. The RAS (reticular activating system) in our brain also filters out all but the most important information, that is necessary for our survival in the present moment.
So, what is this everlasting joy that is written so much about? Does the average person really care about everlasting joy? Or is this something that only the privileged and idealistic few can dare to dream about? In this article, I want to share some anecdotes from my own journey, and also some tips on how we can move towards everlasting joy.
Each and Every One of Us is Unique, However We All Have this One Thing in Common
Every person has that one debilitating fear in their lives, that holds them back from achieving their true potential and from waking up everyday in a happy state, excited and thrilled about the day ahead. Until last year, I too was hijacked by my own fear, and was even in a state of anxiety for a few months. My fear was with regards to my future. I was confused as to whether or not I should start studying a field that has fascinated me from the past 15 years. Currently, I am 28 but ever since I was 13 years old, I have always been interested in the field of Psychology and Mental Health. I remember reading M. Scott Peck’s The Road Less Travelled at that age, and simply being intrigued and fascinated by the world of human behaviour and mental processes.
Your Passion Will Find a Way to Come Up, Even if its a Painful Path
But my passions have always fought with my practical side. There I was in 2019, soon to turn 28 in a few months’ time. What gave me the right to move towards a new path in my life? Wasn’t it too late for me? What would people think of me pursuing my passion at this late age? Could I manage my studies alongside my daily life? It didn’t seem like the possible thing to do. But as the days went by, I could sense that my interest in the mental health space was just growing and growing. I was spending many hours reading up on the topic, listening to videos by experts and just dreaming about how amazing it would feel to work in this field some day.
Eventually, I realized that life is simply too short to spend it in a miserable way. It was nothing short of an epiphany, and I still remember crying tears of joy on that day. My whole body felt light and my mind was was free from all the tensions and anxieties that it had been preoccupied with from the past months. So, last year I ended up completing two diplomas- one in Psychological Counselling, and one in Relationship Counselling. I also took admission in an M.Sc. Psychology (distance) degree from the University of Madras. I knew it was a risky move, to make efforts, to invest time, money and energy to go to Chennai to attend the personal contact programme classes, to give exams every 6 months. But it was very important for me to have the freedom to pursue my passion, and I encourage you all to do the same. If there is one thing that I want you to imprint in your mind it is this, ‘Spend your time doing that kind of work, which you would do even for free’.
If You Overcome Your Fears, the Tradeoffs Become Bearable
Suppose you choose a job or a field just because it seems like the right and practical thing to get into. Maybe that field is trending, maybe the skills needed are becoming glamorous buzzwords and jargons and maybe you come across many job postings, all in that particular field. You may decide to pursue it because it seems to be in demand at the moment. You try to fit yourself and your skills into that mould, and you choose to skill yourself only based on the demands of the current market.
How wise is that actually? And will that make you happy in the long term? My mentor Varna Shri Raman suggested a wonderful book to me, which I recommend you all to read. It is called What Colour is Your Parachute by Richard N. Bolles. You will find many different interactive exercises and pearls of wisdom in this book, which will help you find your passion and joy. Also, in any career there are tradeoffs related to many factors such as boss, office environment, coworkers, stress, work-life balance etc. These are all unpredictable variables we can’t control, and often these variables are the reason why so many people are miserable in their jobs. But if your job or role is something that you actually love, in a field that you actually care about, it will be much easier to bear with those negative tradeoffs.
Your Fear May Not Be the Same as My Fear
Like I mentioned earlier, at the beginning of this article, your fear may not be the same as my fear. I had a critical fear about my own future. For the longest time, I didn’t know what I wanted, because I was too afraid of wanting the wrong thing. I would gather information about what everyone else around me was doing, so that I could minimize the risk of taking a bad decision. However, that just landed me in this obsessive loop with no way out. It was only when I took time out to pause, to introspect and to think truly, authentically about what I loved to do; that I was able to dig myself out of this hole. Developing my intuition and introspection, without fear, brought me the clarity that was my saviour.
But your situation may be different. You could have other fears. Some of the possible fears I have observed in people are: fear of what other people think of you, fear of receiving bad experiences, fear of being a bad person, fear of the intentions or desires of other people, fear of being perceived as unintelligent, fear of giving other people a bad experience, fear of being thought of as uncaring, among others. These fears leave people debilitated in a variety of different ways, if they don’t acknowledge them. If people don’t start working towards healing these fears and overcoming them, they can pay the price with months and even years of misery and lost time.
Consult a Counsellor if You Want Help in Discovering and Working Upon Your Fears
Going through the journey of discovering and working upon your fears by yourself, can be an extremely tough place to be for most people. Your best bet is to approach a professional counsellor, who can be there with you, and help you discover more about yourself and your fears. A counsellor can shorten your self-discovery journey from years to maybe even months or days. There is no shame in visiting a counsellor. Think of it as an investment in your future self, and your future everlasting joy. Imagine what it would feel like to wake up every morning, filled with happiness and ready to face the day. It is possible, if you have the courage to work on your fears. But there is a caveat. You have to work on them consistently.
Some weeks will be so blissful and everything will seem effortless. But then a tough day will come when the fears get re-activated and you might be back in the anxiety mode. So, you have to re-iterate your commitment to yourself on those tough days, and keep moving forward. Remember, life is about thriving and not just surviving! Gone are the days when our ancestors fighting for survival, and their brains and bodies were perpetually in fight or flight mode. Now, in this current time, our survival is guaranteed. So, let’s start prioritizing our happiness over survival at last.
About the Author
Akanksha Sharma is a Psychological Counsellor, and a cat parent. She loves to read, study and travel. She has a long bucket list and wants to enjoy each and every moment of the beautiful life that she has been blessed with. In order to get in touch with her, write to her at akanksha.sharma158@gmail.com . She also has an Instagram account that you can follow called @becauseyoumatter_bym .
Lovely article. True! Who doesn’t have fear? We all do and the worst fear is that of losing someone you love. Count our blessings and feeling grateful for all what one has is the key to happiness and peace.
Thank you so much for the kind words Revathi. Grateful 🙂
– Akanksha