By Akanksha Sharma
Being a Psychological Counsellor, I am often confronted with couples who are facing troubles, especially in the first year of their married life. I am writing this article with the intention of giving them hope, comfort, reassurance and a new perspective to think about this unique phase of their lives.
No one You Marry Will be Perfectly Similar to You
Marriage is a union of two different people, from different backgrounds and with different upbringings. Therefore, you and your spouse will have different habits – food habits, sleeping times, working habits and even how you both like to spend your free time. You may be surprised by some of their habits, and it is very natural to feel this way. Your spouse may also be taken aback by some of your lifestyle routines. This is to be expected, but the important thing is to hold a space of acceptance and non-judgement for your spouse. Being judgemental or condescending while interacting with your spouse, can be one of the worse things that you could do at the beginning of your married life.
In the First Year of Marriage, You will Rapidly Learn a Lot about each other, But Not Everything
The first year of marriage will be a very steep learning curve for both the partners. It can be a beautiful journey of discovery, shared warmth and joys. You will travel to places together, socialize as a couple and make happy memories together. Still, there will be a lot more to learn. Don’t think that just because the linear time period of one year is over, and that there will be no more surprises. As time passes by, life circumstances will change and both you and your partner will also change. The pace of change is different for every individual. Some people have a rapid pace of change, while some have a very slow pace of change. You need to accept whatever rate of change your partner has, and make peace with it. Do not try to control your partner, instead try to understand them.
Help Each Other in Weak Areas, and Appreciate Each Other’s Strengths
There are some areas in which your partner will be weak, and there will be some areas in which you will be weak. You can teach them, guide them and mentor them by being an example in those areas in which you are strong. Help them gracefully, and do not be arrogant or condescending about your knowledge. Similarly, be open to help from them in their respective areas of strength. You both are pieces of a puzzle, who will complete each other.
Have High Integrity and Protect Your Relationship from Outside Interference
When two individuals come together in the sacred and divine bond of marriage, they promise to love, protect and respect each other. You both are now a family, and you must protect each other and your relationship from outside interferences. It is very hurtful to your partner, if you allow other people to disrespect them or their opinions. Now that you are married, you have greater responsibilities towards your partner’s dignity and you must not allow that to be compromised. Think of yourselves as gardeners, and of your marriage as a beautiful garden. You have to tend to it, nurture it and care for it.
Resources for People Who Wish to Work on their Marriage
If you are reading this article, then I already know that you are a proactive person who cares about their relationship. In case to wish to improve your marriage even further, here are some wonderful resources that you can consult. Educate yourself and your partner, and eventually you will be able toreap the fruits of the hard work, that you put into understanding each other. Remember, good communication is the secret to a happy marriage. So, learn how to communicate with each other by consulting these carefully curated resources:
- The Gottman Institute Relationship Quiz: How Well Do You Know Your Partner?
- YouTube video on ‘Making Marriage Work | Dr John Gottman’
- Personality Based Intimacy Coaching by C.S. Joseph
- Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep – love by Dr Amir Levine & Rachel S.F. Heller
Author’s Note: If you liked this article, and you are interested in other topics related to mental health, then make sure to bookmark our section on Mental Health Inspiration. In case you would like to enquire about scheduling a counselling session, then write to me at akanksha.sharma158@gmail.com. Have a wonderful day ahead!
